The Internet humor piece variously entitled “The L.A. Math Proficiency Test” or “The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam” has been part of online lore since at least 1993, and some of our readers recall having seen photocopied versions of it as far back as the mid-1980s. (Authors Unknown)

Answers to the City of Los Angeles High School

Math Proficiency Exam

Author unknown

1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10
   shots and shoots 15 times each drive by, how many drive by shootings
   must he conduct before he shoots 50 people?

   Johnny hits 15*(4/10) people per drive by, which means that
   he will have to participate in 9 drive bys to shoot 50 people. However, he
   will have completed two drive-by shootings and be just starting the
   third when he has to reload. Since he only stole a single clip, he’ll
   only have shot 16 people when the homeboys with the UZIs’ make Swiss
   cheese out of him.

2. Pony has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for
   $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value
   of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn’t cut it?

   At 454 grams per pound, 2oz of the rock = 56.75 grams. An “8 ball” is
   8 grams, so pony has sold 10 grams total and has 46.75 grams left. If
   he keeps selling 8-balls, he can sell 5 more (for a total of
   5*$320=$1,600) and have 6.75 grams for his own nose. If he sells 2
   gram packs, he can sell (46/2-23) packs at $85 apiece =
   (23*$85)=$1,955. However, he could divide it into small parts, bake it
   up into crack and sell the rocks for an even larger profit. This
   problem is really more suited for the Gang Multi-Variable Economics
   Test.

3. Ron is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how
   many tricks will each have to turn so Ron can pay for his $800 per day
   crack habit?

   800/$64=12 tricks plus a dance. Also, Ron should consider making a
   deal with Pony from Question #2.

4. Susan wants to cut her ½ pound of heroin to make 20% more profit.
   How many ounces of cut will she need?

   If she sells the cut heroin at the same price per unit volume, she
   will need 20% more volume. 20% of ½ pound (=8oz) is 1.6oz. So, Susan
   will need 1.6oz of cut to add to the 8 oz of heroin to get 20% more
   volume. She will want a cut which looks similar to raw heroin and has
   approximately the same melting point. Plain sugar or laundry detergent
   are suggested. Laundry detergent has the added benefit of removing the
   possibility of customer complaints, but will sharply limit repeat
   business.

5. Blade gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a
   4×4. If he has already stolen 2BMW’s and 3 4×4’s, how many Chevy’s
   will he have to steal to make $800?

   Blade has made 2*$200 + 3*$100=$700 dollars from his theft so far. He
   needs $100 more, so he needs to steal $100/$50=2 more Chevy’s.
   However, he will probably want to steal 4 Chevy’s so he can take the
   extra two and make a really def low-rider.

6. Little Willy is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $25,000
   for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $250 per month, how
   much money will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years
   will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

   6 years*12 months/year*$250/month=$18,000. Little Willy will have
   $25,000 – $18,000 = $7,000 left when he gets out of prison. If Little
   Willy kills her in the USA, he should expect to get 6 years. However,
   if he takes her down to Mexico and buries her scrawny, track-marked
   butt in the desert, he can get off scott free.

7. If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the
   average letter is 4 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray
   with 3 cans of paint?

   3 cans of paint will cover 3*22=66 square feet. 66/4=16 letters with a
   little paint left over to spray in the eyes of the cop who’s comin’
   after you. Or the tagger could do 15 letters and a bitchin’ skull.

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the
   gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

   6/27=22% of the girls. However, 2 of them are lying because they’ve
   been sleeping with Pedro, Hector’s lieutenant. So, in actuality,
   Hector only knocked up 4/27 or 14.8%.

9. Rosie’s sole source of income is shoplifting. If she gets 10 cents
   on the dollar from her fence, how much merchandise must she shoplift
   each week to make $250?

   Solve X/10=250 for X, X=$2,500.

10. Mike carjacked a Chevy Camaro for his date Saturday night with his
    young 14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested that night while making
    his girlfriend in the backseat. How much prison time is he looking for
    for the carjacking and for statutory rape, even though the girl looked
    legal? Assume no prior convictions in arriving at your answer.

    Mike is only 12 so he will serve no time and will be making his
    girlfriend in the lot in someone else’s car next Saturday.