LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
- No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
- Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
- You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- Wrinkles don’t hurt. (Just ask a Pug)
- Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
- Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
- Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
- Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
- When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
- You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
- Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
- Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
- You believe in Santa Claus.
- You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
- You are Santa Claus.
- You look like Santa Claus.
- At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
- At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
- At age 16 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
- At age 35 success is . . . having money.
- At age 50 success is . . . having money.
- At age 70 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
- At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
- At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.