- Raising Cane
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
    • Hi Google Commands
  • Videos
    • Just Kids
    • Opening Night
    • Just Kids – 1986 – June (Hockley Church)
    • Just Kids – Tribute – Final Show
    • 1989 Amy’s Grade School Graduation
    • The Full Duck
    • Summer 1987
    • M.I.S. Behavin – Michigan Speedway
    • Route 66 – Chicago to St. Louis
    • April Fools Day 2007
    • Saint Paddies Day 2007
  • Contact Me
Home » Humor » Excerpts from The Redneck Book of Manners

Excerpts from The Redneck Book of Manners

Posted on November 14, 2012 by Chris Cane

Content Listing

    • 0.1 GENERAL RULES
    • 0.2 ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
    • 0.3 PERSONAL HYGIENE
    • 0.4 DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
    • 0.5 WEDDINGS
  • 1 Share this:

GENERAL RULES

  1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
  2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
  3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
  4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
  5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

 


DINING OUT

  1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
  2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

  1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
  2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

  1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys
  2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
  3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

 


DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

  1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
  2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.’
  3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
  4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘Ya’ll sure don’t sweat much for a fat gal.’

 


WEDDINGS

  1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
  2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
  3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
  4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
  5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

 


DRIVING ETIQUETTE

  1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
  2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
  3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
  4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
  5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
  6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Share Button
Tweet

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Print
  • Email
Posted in Humor | Tags: man, OWN, WEDDINGS, woman |
« Alone in the Motel and a little Horny
Capital letters, how important are they? Really? »

Search Me

Select a Category

  • Amjo Related (2)
  • Bastards (2)
  • Computing (12)
  • Humor (322)
  • Might be true! (26)
  • My Life (220)
  • Pure Bullshit (10)
  • Rare Miscellany (105)
  • True Stuff (22)
  • Useful Stuff (16)

Got comments?

  • Rick Quinn on My Colonoscopy Journal
  • David Frederick Read on Introducing “The Goose”
  • Chris Cane on I stood by your bed last night.
  • Colleen on I stood by your bed last night.
  • Katy B on The Elopement of Chris and Cheryl
March 2023
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  
« Sep    

Stuff I said!

The contents of this blog and website are not designed to slander or hurt anybody of any race or creed. I sometimes laugh at myself or even a friend or five. If you feel you have been slighted in any way whatsoever, please let me know so I can change what was said.

Take a Gander At:

  • Offensive-stuff
  • A Bucolic-scene
  • Contact me at chris@canetech.com or my contact page.
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
  • Videos
  • Contact Me
© - Raising Cane and Other Stuff