The Manitoba Herald Goes Viral
The Manitoba Herald was a Canadian newspaper that had a short life.
It was published only from January to August of 1877.
But, “Google ” Manitoba Herald ” and you’ll find an article, supposedly by one Clive Runnels, about the influx of American liberals to Canada, that has gone viral on the internet over the last few months. It’s a spoof, of course. What is almost as funny as the article is that many sharing it via blogs and emails credit it to Clive Runnels of the Manitoba Herald with a straight face. Google ” Clive Runnels” and you will find there is no such person. Ah well. That’s fact checking on the internet for you…or maybe it is just the Rush Limbaugh, Fox News,” truth is what you want it to be and reality doesn’t matter ” factor.
The piece is clever and never let it be said that liberals don’t have a sense of humor. And even though most of us are not over-educated tree-hugging, latte sipping snobs, any more than all tea partiers are ignorant, racist red-necked slobs, we can all laugh at humorous stereotypes, can’t we?. Oh wait…… never mind. Here’s the spoof just in case you haven’t seen it.
Originally published November of 2010 in the Political Packrat
Canadians: “Build a Damn Fence!”
From The Manitoba Herald , Canada ; “Reported” by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.” A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age.” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”
Originally published November of 2010 in the Political Packrat
