- Raising Cane
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
    • Hi Google Commands
  • Videos
    • Just Kids
    • Opening Night
    • Just Kids – 1986 – June (Hockley Church)
    • Just Kids – Tribute – Final Show
    • 1989 Amy’s Grade School Graduation
    • The Full Duck
    • Summer 1987
    • M.I.S. Behavin – Michigan Speedway
    • Route 66 – Chicago to St. Louis
    • April Fools Day 2007
    • Saint Paddies Day 2007
  • Contact Me
Home » Humor » 19 Things it took me 50 years to learn.

19 Things it took me 50 years to learn.

Posted on January 11, 2010 by Chris Cane

I think I stole this list from someone who stole it from someone else who perhaps stole it from Dave Barry. Want proof [Click Here]

19 THINGS IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

  1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  2. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved,       and  never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
  3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person  on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
  6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
  9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
  10. Never lick a steak knife.
  11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
  12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  14. Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
  16. The one thing that unites all human beings,regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
  17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
  18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  19. Your friends love you anyway.
Share Button
Tweet

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Print
  • Email
Posted in Humor, My Life | Tags: Dave Barry, TV, woman |
« Now who’s the horse’s ass?
Good Fences make Good Neighbors! »

Search Me

Select a Category

  • Amjo Related (2)
  • Bastards (2)
  • Computing (12)
  • Humor (322)
  • Might be true! (26)
  • My Life (220)
  • Pure Bullshit (10)
  • Rare Miscellany (105)
  • True Stuff (22)
  • Useful Stuff (16)

Got comments?

  • Rick Quinn on My Colonoscopy Journal
  • David Frederick Read on Introducing “The Goose”
  • Chris Cane on I stood by your bed last night.
  • Colleen on I stood by your bed last night.
  • Katy B on The Elopement of Chris and Cheryl
April 2023
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
« Sep    

Stuff I said!

The contents of this blog and website are not designed to slander or hurt anybody of any race or creed. I sometimes laugh at myself or even a friend or five. If you feel you have been slighted in any way whatsoever, please let me know so I can change what was said.

Take a Gander At:

  • Offensive-stuff
  • A Bucolic-scene
  • Contact me at chris@canetech.com or my contact page.
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
  • Videos
  • Contact Me
© - Raising Cane and Other Stuff