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Category Archives: Humor
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards . The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards . The man, who was a priest, said, ” I am a Father . .” The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.” The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many . The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!” The priest, getting impatient, said . “I am the Father of hundreds”, … Continue reading
My First… (Not Autobiographical) I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen’s pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young pretty clerk (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for. She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I … Continue reading
When me prayers were poorly said Who tucked me in me widdle bed And spanked me till me ass was red, Me Mudder! Who took me from me cozy cot And put me on the ice cold pot And made me pee when I could not, Me Mudder! And when the morning light would come And in me crib me dribbled some Who wiped me tiny widdle bum, Me Mudder! Who would me hair so neatly part And hug me gently to her heart Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart, Me Mudder! Who looked at me with eyebrows knit And nearly have a king size … Continue reading
Ain’t it the truth …. happy father’s day to all the guys out there BBQ Standard Operating Procedures We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine…
The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.’ The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate, not fascinating’. Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and I was ‘fascinated.’ The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’ Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was … Continue reading
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER ! These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’, and are things people actually stated in Court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and … inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
Jim and Janet were in the backyard and Janet bends over to pick up a dropped barbecue tool. Jim, her husband looking at her behind says: ‘wow, your ass is bigger than the barbecue!’ Janet gets upset and says; ‘no, it’s not.’ The argument continues and Jim gets a tape measure. Jim measures the barbecue and Janet’s butt and…Sure enough, her butt is bigger than the barbecue. Silently Janet disappears into the house and later that night – both in bed – Jim moves toward her and wants to have some fun. Janet says, “Do you think I’m going to fire up that big barbecue for one little wiener???” Jim now cooks … Continue reading
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts but ‘There is a market for inexpensive wine,’ said Kathy McMicken, professor of Mass Marketing at the U. of Ark in Bentonville, AR. Dr. McMicken said ‘However, branding will be very important.’ Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brands and varieties. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were: Chateau Traileur Parc White Trashfindel Big Red Gulp World Championship Riesling NASCARbernet Chef Boyardeaux Peanut Noir I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar Grape Expectations Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it … Continue reading
A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot… ‘Could you give me some tips?’ he asked. The old man said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high -tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’ ‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?”Sure will ‘ the young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 … Continue reading