Raising Cane

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

It was a while back when Jody our younger daughter attended OU (Ohio University) in Athens Ohio. Athens is a university town in south eastern ohio. Jody was an undergrad with an interest in speech therapy. One of her assignments was to do a study of speech patterns and dialects within the state of Ohio. The paper she submitted was quite interesting and I got to read it during one of our visits to OU. She interviewed students at OU and she learned that terms like “kitty corner” and “catty corner” although perhaps universally understood are not spoken by everyone. In some parts of Ohio, we say ‘catty corner’ and in others we say ‘kitty corner’.

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Good fences make good neighbors, or so they say. We moved into a brand new subdivision in 1974, and that summer I organized a “fencing party” on our side of the street. We had the owners of about 10 homes over at our house one Saturday afternoon in the spring. The homes were all in one row on one side of the street. They backed onto a well established subdivision that had been built thirty or so years earlier. We discussed the need for fencing between our homes as some of us had dogs, some had children, etc. We discussed the advantages of wood vs. chain link, and we broke into committees with a plan to get back together the next week after researching costs and material choices, etc. The decision was made that we would build a cedar fence with horizontal planks alternating from post to post. There were one or two abstainers who got fences anyway as we were to build ours around them. Materials were purchased by the group and work began. The toughest weekend was the first where we mixed cement, cut posts, rented a motorized post hole auger, and about six or seven of us installed 160 four by four cedar fence posts. What an exhausting job that was!

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I think I stole this list from someone who stole it from someone else who perhaps stole it from Dave Barry. Want proof [Click Here]

19 THINGS IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved,       and  never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person  on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings,regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you anyway.

I'm sure that you get emails from time to time, many of which you simply find uninteresting and you're so happy that you have a delete key! And then every now and again, one arrives to make you smile or simply think. This email did a little of each. I realize that the original author of this does stretch reality a little but it's a good read anyway!

It was entitled:  A Little History Lesson

I might add that those of us who don't know our history are doomed to repeat it!

The  US  standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in  England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

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It was 1986 and “Just Kids” was formed by Vivian Aitken. The video below was taken by me at one of their few performances. Vivian Aitken passed away within a year of forming the Just Kids group.

Please Click on the Image Below

One night 4 college students were partying until late and did not study for a history test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty as possible, with grease and dirt. They then went to the teacher and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return, a tire burst on their car and they had to push the car all the way  back home and that they were in no condition to do the test. The teacher kindly allowed them to do a re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day, they went for their test. The teacher said that as this was a Special Condition Test and all four were required to sit in separate classrooms.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days…
The test consisted of 1 single question, worth a total f 100 Marks…
　
Q. Which tire?
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right
e) None of the above
f) All of the above (except E)

I received an email from an OLD friend the other day and I thought I’d post it here. I guess by the definition below that I’m older than dirt but I don’t [always] feel that way!

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This week I received yet another email from my twisted friend with an interesting list of reasons that fights get started.

It began >>>> How Fights Start……. 
 
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Our wedded bliss began immediately following our wedding in September ’69 when Cheryl and I moved to Goose Bay in the territory of Labrador in the province of Newfoundland. With that much description, you’d think it was a very big place -you’d have to think again. Think of a small town you’ve been to – and cut it in half. That’s Goose Bay. We did many things for the first time while there. Life was not too complicated as we had two airbases available to us, the British RAF (Royal Air Force) base and the US Air-force Base. Liquor was cheap as were movies. Cheryl and I in our early twenties had a lifetime in front of us and very few cares in the world. We had friends and neighbors everywhere and it always seemed that half of the RAF was at our small home eating and drinking to the wee small hours of the morning. Remind me to tell the story of one Scotsman named Dinger Bell (yes, that was his name) playing his bagpipes in our small home one summer’s morning at 2:00 AM with the windows open. Read the rest of this entry »

A friend who calls me “Twisted” emailed me this a couple of days ago. I thought it might be a good thing to share with my friends.

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

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