Category Archives: Humor

  When me prayers were poorly said  Who tucked me in me widdle bed And spanked me till me ass was red, Me Mudder!  Who took me from me cozy cot  And put me on the ice cold pot  And made me pee when I could not, Me Mudder! And when the morning light would come  And in me crib me dribbled some  Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,  Me Mudder! Who would me hair so neatly part  And hug me gently to her heart  Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,                                                                      Me Mudder!  Who looked at me with eyebrows knit And nearly have a king size … Continue reading →

The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.’ The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate, not fascinating’. Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and I was ‘fascinated.’ The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’ Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was … Continue reading →

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER ! These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’, and are things people actually stated in Court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

  Jim and Janet were in the backyard and Janet bends over to pick up a dropped barbecue tool. Jim, her husband looking at her behind says: ‘wow, your ass is bigger than the barbecue!’ Janet gets upset and says; ‘no, it’s not.’ The argument continues and Jim gets a tape measure. Jim measures the barbecue and Janet’s butt and…Sure enough, her butt is bigger than the barbecue. Silently Janet disappears into the house and later that night – both in bed – Jim moves toward her and wants to have some fun. Janet says, “Do you think I’m going to fire up that big barbecue for one little wiener???” Jim now cooks … Continue reading →

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts but ‘There is a market for inexpensive wine,’ said Kathy McMicken, professor of Mass Marketing at the U. of Ark  in Bentonville, AR. Dr. McMicken said ‘However, branding will be very important.’ Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brands and varieties.  The top surveyed names in order of popularity were: Chateau Traileur Parc  White Trashfindel  Big Red Gulp  World Championship Riesling  NASCARbernet  Chef Boyardeaux  Peanut Noir  I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar  Grape Expectations  Nasti Spumante  The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it … Continue reading →

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot… ‘Could you give me some tips?’ he asked. The old man said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high -tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’ ‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?”Sure will ‘ the young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 … Continue reading →