Author Archives: Chris Cane

  Jim and Janet were in the backyard and Janet bends over to pick up a dropped barbecue tool. Jim, her husband looking at her behind says: ‘wow, your ass is bigger than the barbecue!’ Janet gets upset and says; ‘no, it’s not.’ The argument continues and Jim gets a tape measure. Jim measures the barbecue and Janet’s butt and…Sure enough, her butt is bigger than the barbecue. Silently Janet disappears into the house and later that night – both in bed – Jim moves toward her and wants to have some fun. Janet says, “Do you think I’m going to fire up that big barbecue for one little wiener???” Jim now cooks … Continue reading →

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts but ‘There is a market for inexpensive wine,’ said Kathy McMicken, professor of Mass Marketing at the U. of Ark  in Bentonville, AR. Dr. McMicken said ‘However, branding will be very important.’ Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brands and varieties.  The top surveyed names in order of popularity were: Chateau Traileur Parc  White Trashfindel  Big Red Gulp  World Championship Riesling  NASCARbernet  Chef Boyardeaux  Peanut Noir  I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar  Grape Expectations  Nasti Spumante  The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it … Continue reading →

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot… ‘Could you give me some tips?’ he asked. The old man said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high -tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’ ‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?”Sure will ‘ the young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 … Continue reading →

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the horse’s side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in … Continue reading →

Jan, Sue and Mary haven’t seen each other since college. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a winebar. Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses, she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine. Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of … Continue reading →

I got a note from a friend of mine who’s a doctor in Chicago. He sent me a note that said. ”When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one  of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.  It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage. One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran’s Administration hospital, where he’d be eligible for benefits. The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: Right war, wrong side.”

A nice, calm and respectable striking woman came into a pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would like to buy some cyanide. ‘ The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’ The woman replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’ The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, ‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!’ She reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in … Continue reading →